If someone you love is spiralling over a boy, or a girl, do this instead.

You all know this story very well. You like someone or your friend likes someone. You/They can go a little crazy over them and you/they spiral a little not know where they stand or when feelings aren’t reciprocated.

In these situations, many of us are often very quick to give our two cents completely based off our own past experiences, or stuff you’ve read or watched on elitedaily, cosmo, YouTube etc.

We all appreciate the concern and we know they mean well when they say move on, its not good for you, it will happen again, you will find this connection again. You often sit there going I know that in theory but it is not that easy and you’re just not getting it.

What’s actually helpful, is to sit with them in person or via text, to help them just express their feelings in a safe space without giving an opinion — not simplifying what they’re going through, telling them to do something or not do something, trusting them know what’s best for and allowing them to follow their gut without judgement.

While I was waiting on an avoidant boy to forever avoid me, I was lucky enough to have a friend who helped me through the very spiral of overthinking and overanalysing. I genuinely wish everyone of you had a friend like him because he has the highest level of EQ and is more qualified than any therapist.

To get through my first important “relationship” as he calls it, we played this game he created to help us process the things we wanted to happen. Thought I’ll share because it helped us both, me at the very least.

Tell me what you’d like him to do and what that action would make you feel. And I’ll reply with mine, with an end goal of just having fun and shifting emotions to feeling slightly more positive. And aim for 10 rounds or 20? Tissues ready?

Round 1

I’d like him to share what he’s been up to with friends, like we used to; just normal updates, so I can feel part of his life. | I would love him to speak more about his day to me, so I get to know more about him

Round 2

I want him to tell me how he really feels about me/us so I know where we stand. | I want him to speak kinder to me

Round 3

I want him to tell me to stop messaging if it’s too much for him. | I want him to message me more because it’ll be wonderful to see a message notification from him.

I’d repeat that.

Round 4

I want us to meet again, so I can physically feel him.| I want him to tell me if he secretly was happy when I touch him. Or was he annoyed. Or was he just being nice.

Round 5

I want to know if he’s replying me out of obligation.| I want him to know how safe I felt in his arms when he hugged me.

Round 6

I want him to know how comfortable he makes me feel. | I want him to know how much I mean it when I said I love him/

Round 7

I want him to know how I wished he stayed over the last time we met but I was scared, nervous, anxious. I thought we had more time. | I wish you slowly let go of that regret.

I wish I held him a little longer that hug. |I wish you get to hug him again.

Round 8

I want him to know how he makes me feel liberated. I love how he makes me feel free, like a child or a lack of inhibitions. | I love how he makes me feel like a boy that he protects. I’m so thankful that he supported me those times when I was down and you were sleeping or busy with multiple work calls.

Round 9

I want him to know I understand why he distances and wish he’d just talk to me. | I want him to know how beautiful he is.

Round 10

I want him to know how many times I’ve thought about making out when we meet again, I guess if. | When. When. If it’s intended to be. And if not then it’s someone better. But it’s out there for you, I’m sure.

Round 11

I wish he knows I like him a lot. I wish we could go back to May and restart. I wish I’d stop hoping every message notification is from him. | You can’t go back to change the beginning but you can start here and change the ending, CS Lewis.

Round 12

I kinda just want to spend a whole day together. I guess I want to be with him.| I dreamt that we have two kids and we took a train together cause the kids wanted to experience it lol.

Round 13

I want him to know no one else has ever made me feel this way. | I want him to know how good he smells.

Round 14

I want him to know how good he feels on me. | Oooh. I want to go on a date with him and be at ease. | I want to go on a proper date like in the outside world.

Round 15

I want to hold him in public again. We only did it once thanks COVID. | I wanna take a walk on the beach with him. | Me too.

Round 16

I love how he makes sure he never hurts my feelings. | I love how he’s trying to learn how to talk to me cause he’s never opened up to anyone before.

Round 17

I love how he’s sensitive but too sensitive he doesn’t want to share his problems, like he doesn’t want to burden me but I wish he’d open up to me. | I love how he only tells me his secrets.

Round 18

I wish we could cook together. We were supposed to do a cooking challenge. | I wanna taste his chicken curry.

Round 19

I want to try all the fantasies we’ve talked about. | Perv. I want to hug him.| I really just want to lie in bed and just talk for hours like we did.

Round 20

I want to know how much I miss him. I really want us to meet again. | I want him to love me. | I want him to love me and me to love him.

The boy I like, will probably never know any of this and doesn’t need to but it helped me process my convoluted head and here’s to helping some of you and your loved ones.

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brown uninterrupted

brown uninterrupted

For the longest time, speaking out was out of character for (brown) girls like me. So, here’re stories that are easier written than spoken, uninterrupted.